


It must be a Friday

by rainbowshoes



Series: pray for the wicked [6]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV) Fusion, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, crossover of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-05 08:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17915111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowshoes/pseuds/rainbowshoes
Summary: For the Tony Stark Bingo 2019Square S3: Friday (1)K5: RoyaltySpiderman gets arrested while chasing down a thief, but he winds up outside of Queens and in Brooklyn... and he gets picked up by the 99.





	1. S3: Friday

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy this ridiculous crossover bullshit that i thought was cute and funny with almost zero angst! (a near impossibility for me)
> 
> it hasn't been edited literally at all, so just ignore any mistakes please
> 
> i'm throwing this into my pray for the wicked series because it sort of fits

Captain Holt looked up at the sounds of shocked surprise that were filtering in through his open door. He liked keeping a fairly regular open-door policy, even if it tended to invite more trouble that it was worth, most days. But it also let him stay ahead of the game - or at least  _ notified  _ \- when it came to situations like the one happening out in his bullpen. 

Jake and Rosa had a handcuffed Spiderman between them, the kid's mask still firmly in place. 

It was clearly a Friday. Friday's were when all the weird stuff happened, and Holt had come to look at Fridays with a strange mix of both anticipation and dread.

Charles was already across the bullpen with his damn autograph book in his hand, eager for a signature. Apparently, he had Thor's signature in a frame at home, though Holt was fairly certain some guy at Comicon had probably just conned him out of fifty bucks for it. He hadn't asked. But Charles had made it his life's mission to get signatures from all the Avengers. 

“Guys, seriously,” Jake was saying as Hitchcock and Scully tried to get closer. “Back off already! I have to process him!”

“Yeah you do,” Rosa said, snickering to herself. She took Spiderman to their, thankfully empty, holding cell along the far wall and shoved him inside, then took off the cuffs. Holt was already crossing the bullpen, expression as blank as he could make it. “Hey, Captain. Amy and Terry are bringing in the Parkland thief.  _ Spiderman _ over here was trying to take him down himself. Had him all webbed up for us, but he didn't get away fast enough.” Rosa had some strange grudge against the Avengers and all the other enhanced individuals that ran around New York. 

Grudge might have been too strong a word. But judging from the look of unholy  _ glee  _ radiating off her as she stared Spiderman down, perhaps it wasn't. Holt wasn't touching that with a ten foot pole. 

“Right. Who do we need to call for him?” Holt looked over at Jake because Rosa was too busy torturing the poor kid with her expressions. 

Jake thumped a file on his overcrowded desk and flipped it open. “Well, first he begged us not to call anyone. But when we started grilling him for his deets, he let it slip that he's only sixteen. So. As a minor, we have to call  _ someone _ . He told us to call Stark.” Jake shrugged, like he was uncertain if he should or if that was even going to  _ work _ . 

“As in Tony Stark?” Charles asked, eyes wide with glee. “You really know him?” Holt was suddenly glad Spiderman was locked in the holding cell. It looked like Charles was ready to assault him. 

Spiderman shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. “Uh, yeah? I mean. Yes. I do.” It was almost funny how the kid tried to drop his voice. Holt just sighed. It had been  _ years _ since he'd had to deal with Tony Stark. He tuned out of the conversation a little as he pulled his phone from his pocket. He still had Stark's number from the last benefit he'd attended - it was the first and only interaction he'd ever had with a sober Tony Stark. He sent a quick message, hoping the man hadn't changed his number in all those years. He wasn't the head of PR anymore, after all, and he hadn't been to an NYPD charity event in nearly a decade anyway. 

“- and he's  _ still  _ covered in that sticky gunk,” Amy complained, a disgusted look on her face. 

“You should totally be used to guys covered in sticky gunk by now, Ames,” Jake said with a laugh. 

“Bedroom stuff stays out of the office,” Rosa snapped, a little more harshly than she would have normally. Not that Holt blamed her, necessarily. Jake and Amy had really rubbed it in a few weeks ago, and it had left most of them… worse for wear. To put it delicately. 

“I wasn't going there!” Jake said defensively, raising his hands to surrender as Rosa stepped toward him threateningly. “I just meant this is  _ New York _ ! We've arrested people covered in all kinds of sticky gunk. Seriously, do you not remember that one Halloween?” He turned pleading eyes on Rosa. She cracked the tiniest of smiles. “Yes!” Jake fist pumped. 

“Oh, yeah,” Terry said, shifting with a disgusted look on his face. “Corn syrup got everywhere. We spent  _ weeks  _ trying to get all of it out of the holding cell.”

“As interesting as that story sounds,” Holt interrupted before the conversation could derail further, “do we know where our perp is now?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Uh, yes sir,” Amy said quickly. “He's downstairs in the M.E.’s office while they try to find a way to get him out of all… that.” She turns to look at the kid. “What even  _ is _ that stuff?”

“A chemical compound I designed,” Spiderman said, a tiny bit of pride creeping into his voice. “It'll totally dissolve on its own in like, two hours. Less, now. Like, an hour and a half left on it? There's a chemical solution to dissolve it faster, but I don't know if you guys have any of the stuff to make it, and it's sort of just easier to let it dissolve.” He shrugged and shifted on his feet again. 

Holt gave the kid his best unimpressed look, but it didn't seem to faze him much. His phone dinged in his hand. Stark had sent him a message back, claiming he was on the way, just to give him about an hour to get there. That was fine. It would take at least that long to process  _ Spiderman  _ anyway. 

“Peralta, get to work on the paperwork,” he said. He looked at Amy and felt just a tiny bit of pride at the way she straightened under his gaze. “Santiago, you have your own perp to book. Boyle, Diaz, don't you two have your own work to do?” 

There was a chorus of disappointed groans, but they all got back to work just like they were supposed to. Holt nodded in satisfaction and walked back to his own office. Terry followed. “Sir?” he asked, a little hesitant as he lingered in the doorway. 

“Dr. Stark is already on his way to collect his… protege.” Holt chose the word carefully, but he thought it fit well. “We do this by the book, even if he is a superhero.” 

“No complaints there, sir,” Terry said quickly. “But, you know that kid could have snapped the cuffs easily, right? He could have gotten away from us at any time, but once we had him, he almost seemed to… I don't know, give up?” Terry looked troubled by this thought. 

“I'm certain he's been told to cooperate with law enforcement no matter what the circumstances,” Holt pointed out. “If that includes behaving well while under arrest, I certainly won't be the one to complain.”

“But how is he going to serve out any sort of punishment for his crime when we don't even feel comfortable asking him who he really is?” Terry asked. “He's got a secret identity for a reason, Captain. I don't want to be the one who gets this kid or his friends and family into trouble because we arrested him.”

“I'm sure the Avengers will have taken that into consideration,” Holt said simply. “It's not your concern. You did your job, you did it well, and no one else had to get hurt. I'm proud of how all of you performed out there today, Jeffords. Now,” he nodded behind Terry to where Amy was waiting, bouncing on the balls of her feet, “I believe Santiago is waiting for you so she can fill out her report.” 

Terry nodded and left the office, still a little unsure. Either he would get over it or he wouldn't. It wasn't Holt's place to reassure him any more than he had. Vigilantism was still  _ illegal _ , and if the ones who engaged in that sort of behavior - enhanced or not - stuck around long enough to get caught, well. That was on them, not on any of his officers. He had a feeling he was going to have to come up with some sort of procedural guide for this sort of thing in the future, though.

* * *

 

A little more than an hour later, there was another commotion, and Holt simply sighed as he stood. Tony Stark was standing in the middle of his bullpen. But he wasn't the only one who'd showed up. It looked like most of the damn Avengers had arrived to collect their wayward young member. He left his glasses on his desk and filed out of the office. 

Stark's eyes went wide for a moment, then he relaxed into a broad smile that was more genuine than the ones Holt so often saw plastered across billboards and magazines. He accepted Stark's hand and gave it a firm shake, returning the smile with one of his own. 

“Nice to see you without being a slobbering, drunk mess,” Holt fired.

“Lies and slander,” Stark snarked back as one of the men behind him barked a laugh. “I was never  _ slobbering _ . Drunk and a mess, I'll give you.” 

“Clint!” Jake dropped his stack of folders on a nearby desk, getting a disgruntled look from the desk's owner, and he ran at the man who'd laughed.

“Jake! Buddy!” Clint laughed and clapped Jake into a friendly hug. “Haven't seen you in years, man. How ya been?”

“Good, good, good, you know, good,” Jake said, rapid fire and delighted. “Oh! Hey, I couldn't find your address, but I got married!” He turned and shouted across the bullpen. “Ames! Hey, Amy! Come meet Clint! I've known him forever!” Amy crossed the bullpen slowly, a look of confusion on her face. “We met at the circus, can you believe it?” Jake laughed.

Stark had an amused look on his face. Amy looked from Jake to Clint and back to Jake. “Jake… you never told me you knew Hawkeye.” She said it slowly, a little strained, but still with a smile.

“Pft, he isn't  _ Hawkeye _ ,” Jake said, waving that off. “He's just -” Jake looked at Clint again, then he seemed to notice everyone else with him and his mouth dropped open as his eyes went wide. “Oh my god, you  _ are  _ Hawkeye!” He looked at Amy. “I'm such a bad detective!”

Amy grimaced her smile and patted Jake on the shoulder even as Charles tried to reassure Jake that he was not, in fact, a bad detective. Stark and Clint both seemed to find that hilarious. Even the redhead behind Clint - Natasha Romanov, if Holt guessed right - thought it was amusing. Captain America himself just rolled his eyes, but it was fond. 

“Hey, uh, guys?” Spiderman called from the holding cell. “Can you um, let me out now?”

“Hey, kiddo,” Stark said, walking over to the holding cell with a wide smile. The man behind him shadowed him perfectly, almost like a bodyguard. Holt didn't recognize this one. “First time getting arrested, huh? Happens to the best of us, don't worry.”

“Mr. Stark,” the kid whined. It was sort of cute, Holt thought. 

“Where are we on processing him?” Holt asked Jake.

Jake shook his head, snapping himself out of his shock. “Oh, uh, almost done? Maybe another half an hour?” He waved his hand in a so-so gesture. 

“I think we can let him out,” Holt said to Terry. “Just don't let him leave this floor.” Terry nodded. “Dr. Stark, a word in my office, privately?”

“Sure thing,” Stark said with a nod. “Behave yourself, kid.” At least Stark hadn't said anything stupid like ‘we'll handle everything’ and imply the charges would be dropped. That really wouldn't do them any favors. Stark followed Holt to his office, his silent shadow still dogging his steps. Holt held the door for both of them. “Sorry, Barnes stays.”

“Not a problem,” Holt said, holding up a hand to fend off any excuses. He didn't need them. He shut his door and gestured for them to sit. Barnes made himself comfortable against the wall by the door, but Tony sat, and Holt sat across from him. “Sergeant Jeffords was concerned about  _ Spiderman's  _ identity once he was sent to the courts. He didn't want it falling back on us that we were the ones responsible for unmasking a kid and getting him, or his family and friends, hurt because of that.”

“Seriously, it isn't an issue. He signed the Accords under a special clause. He'll still have to face whatever punishment the courts deem necessary, but his identity is kept secret as a part of that.” Stark leaned back a little. “It's one of those things I negotiated for. But you already know who he is, don't you?” Stark had a small smile on his face. 

“I have my suspicions,” Holt said, returning the smile. “That young kid you've been mentoring lately, Parker, he's about the same weight, same build, right?” Stark winked and pressed his finger to his lips in a shush gesture. “You don't have to worry about any leaks from me, Dr. Stark. I think you know that.”

“I do,” Stark said with a nod. “And thanks for the heads up, by the way. I appreciate it.”

“Well, I pulled your stubborn ass out of trouble enough times,” Holt said with a laugh. “At least Spiderman is trying to do some good, not trying to kill himself.” 

“What do you mean?” Barnes suddenly looked a little more interested in the conversation, his eyes slanting toward Stark. 

“Oh, you know,” Stark said with a wave. “Holt arrested me for drunk driving a few times back when I was in my twenties.” 

“You were nineteen the first time,” Holt pointed out. “Underage drinking, drunk driving, drunk and disorderly. You were lucky my partner at the time didn't insist on trying to stick you with assaulting an officer, too.” 

Stark just grinned. “And I did my community service and paid my fine and now look where we all are. I'm several years sober and a superhero, and you finally got your own command.”

“I have to say, I'm more impressed with the sobriety,” Holt said bluntly. He softened it with a smile. 

“Honestly, I am too,” Stark admitted with a shrug. “Bucky here didn't know me during those days.” 

“I still have the picture of you flipping off the camera while we were hauling you into the precinct,” Holt said with a laugh. 

“Oh god,” Stark groaned. “I thought those were long gone by now. That's probably more embarrassing than all my sex tapes. I was wearing the silver pants, wasn't I?”

“You were,” Holt said with a laugh. “Those were dark times.” He said it faux gravely, and Stark burst out laughing. 

“You  _ have  _ to send me a copy of that. I have to show Bucky.” He turned his head and smiled widely at Barnes. “These  _ pants _ , babe. They were atrocious. They were the same color as your arm, and they were stupid tight.”

Barnes cracked a smile. “Can't wait to see ‘em,” he said, a bit of what sounded, to Holt, like an old fashioned Brooklyn drawl slipping through. “We about done in here? Parker looks antsy with Nat breathin’ down his neck and that other detective harrassin’ him.”

“Sure thing, sugar plum,” Stark said brightly. He turned back to Holt before standing. “Anything else?”

“Tell Spiderman out there I'm grateful he didn't try to resist arrest or break anything or hurt my officers,” Holt said, nodding through the glass. “I know he's enhanced, and my officers are all regular humans. He could have done a lot of damage if he'd tried to get away from them.”

Stark softens. “I told him to just let it happen if it happened,” he said. “Glad that was one piece of advice he actually followed.” 

Holt stood, and Stark stood with him. They headed out of the office, Barnes in Stark's shadow once more. Holt didn't want to ask about any of that, but it was curious. He hadn't heard anything about Stark having a new beau. 

“- saying,” Amy said in a huff. “It's weird that you know the Black Widow and Jake has known Hawkeye for apparently most of their lives! How is that normal!”

“Say what now?” Jake butted in, lifting his head and staring Rosa down. “You know  _ who  _ and never told me? Your best friend in the entire world?”

Rosa rolled her eyes from where she was propped on a desk startlingly close to Natasha Romanov herself. “Natasha and I dance at the same studio.” She glanced at Romanov, and they seemed to have a silent conversation for a split second before Rosa shrugged. “And we might have hooked up a few times after I came out. Big deal. She was out of your league before you and Amy became a thing, and she still is.” 

Romanov flashed Jake a dark smile. “My call sign is Black Widow for a reason.” 

Barnes snorted and cuffed her shoulder as he and Tony moved past her to stand near Spiderman. “Not for that reason, Natalia. Stop lying. I've known you since you was this high.” He held his hand up to a spot barely at hip level. 

“Sure, tell all my secrets,” Romanov muttered. 

“Wait a second,” Amy said, squinting at Barnes. “Are you… are you  _ really  _ the same Bucky Barnes from - from -”

“Yeah,” he nodded, a blank look on his face. “Problem?” It was subtly threatening, but Holt understood, in a way. 

It was funny how Terry appeared to stand beside Amy and look menacing, though it didn't faze Barnes in the slightest. “No, no problem,” Amy squeaked. “I just really like history? And, uh, I may have forced Jake to take me to the Natural History Museum to see the displays like, ten times while we were in D.C. because your sniper record has literally never been broken, not even with today's guns and it's just really cool to actually get to meet a living legend and not like Captain America, because like, sure he was cool and all? But he was enhanced, and you - you  _ weren't _ . Or, I mean, at least, that's what everyone believed, and like, maybe now there might be some confusion on that one? Because I totally don't know how you're still alive right now, but -”

“Amy, baby, I love you, but I think you're  _ really  _ starting to make the scary murder guy uncomfortable,” Jake said, interrupting Amy's tirade.

“Got a botched serum in Azzano,” Barnes said gruffly. “But HYDRA kept me frozen, too.” He was still staring Amy down, still looking murderous. Holt figured the best place for him was right there next to Iron Man and with Captain America himself not too far away, but he didn't know for sure. They were all awfully close to one another. 

“I'm sorry,” Amy said quietly. She looked genuinely distressed, upset by Barnes’ plight rather than anxious that he might hurt her. That seemed to throw Barnes for a loop, and he looked surprised. Stark's hand was resting on Barnes’ forearm lightly, not to restrain, but to comfort and reassure.

“That's enough heavy conversation for one afternoon, yeah?” Stark asked, forcing a smile. “So, when can we take our little criminal home?”

“Mr. Stark!” Spiderman groaned, his voice embarrassingly high. “Please don't say that. And don't - don't tell… you know who.”

“Okay, please tell me Voldemort is not  _ actually  _ a villain because I don't think I can handle anymore weird today,” Jake spoke up. 

Stark laughed, loud and delighted. Even Barnes cracked a smile. “No, not that I'm aware of. But hey, if that ever happens, we'll be sure to take care of him for you.” He flashed a smile. “He meant someone else, and  _ yes _ , kid, I have to tell her. She'd skin me alive if I didn't. Lucky for you, I'll get to break it to her over dinner tonight.” 

Spiderman groaned and held his head in his hands. Clint clapped him on the shoulder and shook him lightly. “Hey, at least she won't try to take the suit, right?”

“She might,” Spiderman said morosely. “Man, I am so grounded.”

“Might do you some good, you delinquent you,” Stark said, too cheerfully. Holt thought, privately, that if Stark had had even half this many people who cared so genuinely for him, he never would have been in such bad shape the last time he'd seen the man. 

He was glad to see so much improvement, though. It gave him hope. 

Jake finally finished processing Spiderman while Charles harassed autographs out of all the Avengers present, and they released him into Stark's custody in accordance with the Accords. Jake had gotten a kick out of getting to say that phrase. He got Clint's number, and they resolved to meet up for beer and pizza one night. Terry and Rogers seemed to have some sort of bet going about a gym and weights, which was amusing, to say the least. 

Stark let Spiderman leave with the other Avengers, but he stuck around until last, Barnes as his silent shadow. He shook Holt's hand. “Thanks for all this. Means a lot.”

“Try to keep him out of Brooklyn?” Holt asked with a wry smile. Kevin was going to  _ laugh _ , damn him. 

“I'll try, but no promises.” Stark laughed. “Tell Amy Bucky said he's sorry for being an ass. She'll get something nice from him in a few days.” Barnes nodded, preferring to stay silent. 

“I'll let her know,” Holt said, choosing not to mention Amy's bleeding heart syndrome. “Keep yourself and all of those misfits of yours safe, Dr. Stark.”

“No promises,” Stark called as he walked away, hand in the air to wave. Holt just shook his head. 

“Oh my god!” Amy screamed. “Bucky Barnes signed my notebook!” 

Holt just sighed and shut his office door.

* * *

 

A week later, Amy had one of the brand new Bucky Bears that were rumored to be in production but which hadn't actually hit shelves yet. She also had a framed, old, picture of the Sergeant himself with a sloppy, scrawled signature across the bottom that sat on her desk at all times. Jake was, understandably, just a little jealous.

Two weeks after that, Terry came into Holt's office and sat down in the chair across from him with a vacant expression. “Captain America asked me to be an Avenger. And I said no.”

“We need you here anyway,” Holt said mildly. “For example. Jake is about to set the microwave on fire. Again.” Terry shouted and ran out of the office to stop Jake before he could put the metal plate in the microwave.

Another week after that, Jake burst into his office, wild-eyed and excited, slamming the door shut. “I know who Spiderman is!”

“And?” Holt asked dryly. 

“And?” Jake asked incredulously. “And this is  _ amazing _ ! He's just a kid! He goes to a tech high school in  _ Queens _ !”

“And think about what would happen if that information got out, Peralta,” Holt said patiently. “Who might use that against him?” 

Jake thought for a moment, and then he got a contrite look. He nodded. “You are totally right and the best Captain Dad ever. Thanks, love you, bye! Gonna go stop more bad guys now!” And Jake was gone again. Holt just sighed.

Nearly two months after the incident with the Avengers and Spiderman's arrest, Holt got a notification via email. The 99 had been given a donation. A very  _ big  _ donation. From an anonymous benefactor. And the entire precinct was going to get an upgrade. He smile a little to himself. Stark was still generous, at least, and that was nice. 

Charles even got an entire collection of the Avengers’ headshots - signed - delivered to his desk.


	2. K5: Royalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the companion piece to "it must be a friday" because of this comment:
> 
> SheWhoWillRise:  
> Cute!!!!! (Altho I was expecting Holt to be invited to Tony and Bucky's wedding)
> 
> consider this a response to your comment, and thank you :)

“Royal Wedding - Stark Style”

By Christine Everhart

At seven o'clock tonight, at the top of Stark Tower to a lurid, hazy, red and orange sunset backdrop, Tony Stark was married to former sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. (Yes, that one. The one from World War II.) Their vows were said amid a small, intimate crowd of less than a hundred close personal friends and colleagues. 

Widely regarded as the wedding of the century, though the ceremony is barely an hour old, the new Stark-Barnes contingent seems content to prove the world right in every way possible, and in the most unique fashion.

When I asked Mr. Stark before the ceremony who would be giving which of the grooms away, he smiled and laughed. “We're both adults with too many years under our belts, Christine. I think we can handle giving ourselves to each other.”

True to his statement, Mr. Stark and Mr. Barnes walked out together, arm in arm, and moved down the aisle to “Here Comes the Sun,” by The Beatles rather than any traditional wedding march (like Pachelbel's “Canon in D” which we're all accustomed to). The ceremony itself was brief, though touching and stunningly well-spoken. 

The officiate for the wedding was none other than Captain Raymond Holt of Brooklyn's 99th precinct. When I learned about Stark's choice, I did a little digging. It turns out, Captain Holt had arrested Mr. Stark several times back in the late eighties and early nineties. I'm sure the older crowd remembers the photographs of Mr. Stark in his silver pants in front of the courthouse, right? 

[ _Inserted between paragraphs is the photograph in question. A very young Raymond Holt is escorting an even younger handcuffed Tony Stark_ up _the courthouse stairs. It's clear Tony had been drinking the night before. His hair is in disarray, and he has raccoon eyes from where his thick eyeliner has smeared. His silver pants reflect the sunlight so brilliantly that it causes a lens flare in the photo. Tony might look miserable, but he's holding his head high and smirking all the same. Holt looks as unflappable as ever behind him._ ]

It turns out, Captain Holt was a positive influence in the young Stark's life. As an openly gay police officer back in the eighties and nineties, Holt was someone Stark felt he could emulate - after his third stint in rehab, of course. 

The Captain was happy to perform the ceremony. He laughed a little when I asked him how he felt about marrying Mr. Stark to a famous war hero. “As long as it keeps him out of trouble and he's happy, then that's all that matters.” 

The ceremony itself, while short, was beautiful. The color scheme should surprise no one, though I am pleased to say it was nicely understated and simple, not flashy or disarming. The red and silver twists were elegant and tasteful, and I've learned that none other than the immaculate Miss Potts herself was in charge of the decor. 

The newly minted Stark-Barnes couple invited their guests to a simple reception once the ceremony was completed, done buffet style with enough food to feed an entire army of super soldiers. The cake, while delicious, can't compare in style to any other. It seems this was one area Miss Potts was unable to restrain her former boss. It was a dozen tiers, all different flavors and icings. Atop the cake were a tiny Iron Man action figure with a Bucky Bear keychain toy. [ _Attached are links to both toys in question._ ]

Sad to say, there were no racy displays of garter removal, and neither groom carried a bouquet. 

Among the guests were various Avengers and other superhero personalities, several of Brooklyn's finest, dozens of Stark Industries employees, a few other superhero-adjacent types, and even a handful of aliens. (They're friendly, don't worry.)

Rather than a true wedding reception, it felt more like a family reunion. 

The official photographs will all be released at a later date, and the public can see for themselves just how this American Royal Wedding measured up to the real thing. 


End file.
